|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| If there's one thing I hate most at the moment.It's the feeling of being indebted.Once you owe someone something,you will never get to walk with your head held high. I am in the army now,and it has been a long time since my last post.I am posted overseas and this is where I could seek camaraderie.Or so I thought.Things were rosy at first,laughing and enjoying each others company.Little did I know all these would come and haunt me later on.I am now a pariah,where groups would dissolve once I enter the scene. People are over relient on me,but I can't rely on them,as I stumbled upon the cold,hard truth.Sometimes I wonder,if being blunt with words is such a curse or a gift that I have to embrace.It can hurt feelings but it can also get people to take you seriously. | | |
| In my entire 20 years of living,I have never ever developed strong feelings for someone this strong,until now.
I used to live life by the principle where love doesn't exist.Only lust and manipulation.
Makes me wonder how she has turned me into the person that I am now and live life contradicting my principles.
I've learnt to love someone whole heartedly,despite the age,race and religious difference.
Flashback to a few months back,and you'll see that I wasn't the same person.
I have become soft and sensitive,no longer depicting the strong,resilient personality.
I deliberately exposed my flaws to her,with the reason that I can trust her.
There are times,where I have doubts about her,and that's where I'll be writing letters of apology 3 pages long.
Well,we started off well,to the point where I think we had too much chemistry.We would stay up really late chatting about random stuff,and slowly falling into the trusting arms of each other.At least that's what I think.We would stay up really late,even though I had early morning classes and she had to do a long hours job.Things have changed now,we don't chat up often because I've squeezed the fun juice a little too much I guess.Even if we do chat,it'll always be the same question and replies.Yet,I''d still wait up for her late into the night,always on a constant lookout for her name to sign in.Things might have changed,and I guess she might have also changed a little towards me.
Just so she knows,I haven't.I'm still waiting and I'm still hoping.We might have not much to say at times,but I still want to be around you.
People will come to me and say that it's a long shot and it'll be hard to work out.Well,I only have this to tell them and that is to leave me alone with my fantasy.
It's this fantasy that keeps me upbeat and going everyday.Rather than to drag my sorry ass out of the house each day to face life with a negative attitude.
People keep telling me that there are a lot of better fishes out there,but I'll just display a mental image of my middle finger shoved up in their ass and later sticking that finger into their noses.To let them know just how filthy their mouths are.Yes there are a lot of better fishes,but not everyone of them is for me.I believe in the saying that there's a someone for everyone,and I believe it's her.
I've always hated people with a clingy attitude,but I guess someone has converted me into one. ;) | | |
| People asked me why I'm always so angry.
They always say that my smile was worth a million dollars.
Mention the word expressionless and my name pops to mind in a jiffy.
So the tables have turned,and it's my time to do the questioning.
Why do you think I'm angry?
Who do you think made me this way?
I'm not going to mention anything about my family here as they've given me what I need in life.
Shelter,food,education and most importantly,what it means to be a family.
It's easy to figure out your family members as you've been with them since the first time you opened your eyes.
So you know their characteristics and know what to and what not to expect.
The line of friendship is a blurry one to me.
Why,do I have this feeling that I'm somewhere at the bottom of the list or even have been omitted out.
You can forget about your "Awwws" and "Hahas".
I don't understand.
I've got money,time and health.All these is useless if you don't have anybody to share it with.
I truly believe in the code "Bros before hoes".
I want to share them with those whom I considered brothers.
Unfortunately,they never made time for me.
A friend once told me off for working during school break.
And so,I decided not to extend my work period there any longer.
It prove to be a crucial mistake.
Now you're having a jolly good time with the rest of your friends while I'm having a meal with youtube?
What the fuck is that dude.
Man,real bros don't do this.
You're just using "bros" cheaply.
A friend uses it casually,while another only uses it when he has overcome an obstacle and wants to tell me about it
One said he's more comfortable with his secondary school friends,in my presence.
He only comes to me for help,but not other than that.
Another chap,one of his traits is pulling out of events.
If a person told me about an upcoming event that interests me.I would be lying if I say I don't have any expectations.A word of advice."Eh kawan,if you're not certain about something,don't even bother telling me about that something".
And I don't get this one thing.I asked for a couples of hours of your time to join me in a game of soccer,and you didn't turn up.Reason being was that you needed sleep.
But I don't get how you're not tired after you ended teaching classes,went for house visits and then off to JB on the same day.
To these two,I don't have any close friends in secondary school or in polytechnic,because I refuse to have them.I thought you guys had already filled the void.I was wrong wasn't I.
It's pretty obvious that the similarity of these two is that I'm at the bottom of their to do list.Why do i bother helping them out anyway.
| | |
| I'm staring at the content of this particular entry and all I see is an empty white space.
I'm guessing it justifies my life.
Empty
I tried to get rid of this emptiness in me by planning some stuff and trust me,school work was none of them.
My personal TV can't be turned on and my personal computer just crashed.
Just the kind of way I was expecting to round off my 2 weeks break.
So on goes the pending assignments.
I can't go out and spend time in coffee shops anymore because my sister is staying in my place for a few days,till the much awaited return of my parents.
Term Break ends in a few days and so here I am bracing myself once again for the dreaded long schedules.
I would rather go to school and keep myself occupied than to sit at home, channel & net surfing.
Although I really hate the long breaks in between classes and having noone to spend it with other than my classmates whose interests aren't compatible with mine.
OK,FUCK IT. I'll get to the point. I'm really desperate and lonely.
Desperate for some female company.
Lonely because I have no female companion to interact with.
(And having only 3 girls in my class whose sole purpose is to gain knowledge and flirt their way to top grades isn't helping!)
I guess playing the strong,silent and resilient type is not for me because it's deteriorating my social life.
Here's a true to life confession.I'm A Jerk
I'm a jerk to both genders.
The only consolation,I was more of jerk in the past than I am now.
From my primary school to secondary school days I did a lot of bad stuff to girls.I seldom mess with my gender because we all know what will happen.
In primary school,a girl had a crush on me and doted on me by giving me gifts and money.I didn't really care much about her as I was very materialistic at a raw age.
In secondary school,I guess the jerk in me got out of control.Even the hooligans wouldn't do that.They respect women.
-I splashed ink onto a girl's uniform.
-I stole money from the same girl.
-I pulled one of the bra straps on a girl.
-Finally,I tripped my close friend while she was chasing after someone,which resulted in a loud thud and a scar on her ankle.
I'm guessing,retribution is biting me back in the ass.I hope this stops soon. | | |
| Unexpected twists and turns.
That's how life is.
Ergh! It's so hard to post something different from others.
I don't want to post about my daily affairs or political views.
I want to bring out the poet in me.
But I guess,after being dormant for a long time,he's dying.
Kang Hodong once said.
"Knowing about your true friend is not about the amount of time you've spent with that individual.It's about the lack of awkwardness that you share after the long absence."
Dude,you're so true.
I wanted to channel all my negative energy here,but I guess there's no point in doing so any longer.
I wanted to express my joy instead,but I guess I won't kiss and tell like people do.
Alright.
Bi.
Minwoo.
U-Know Yunho.
TaeYang.
What have they incommon?
Other than sharing the same nationality of course.
They can bust a move ,damn it.
I want to dance.
I want to slide with my feet.
Just like how Jacko used to.
No club dance.
Any 5-year can do that.Shake your hips,body and head and act like you're in a trance.
I want choreographed moves.
Ones where you practice infront of the mirror.
I want to entertain.
Picture has no relation with the entry.Just for the viewers amusement.
| | |
|
|
